Freewrite ....

You sit there,
waiting,
almost,
holding your breath,
excitement,
your metallic saviour,
gleams in the moonlight,
as you bring it close,
back and forth,
Until.... Gasp,
Even amidst all the chaos in your soul, you can still
hear it.

The Rush,
that first slash,
as it rips you apart, leaving you gasping,
destroys you, soothes you.
The fluid drains slowly into your arm,
Until,
everything fades,
And you feel 'Alive'
feel human.
You can sense it getting out of control
and you want to stop,
sometimes you do.

Sometimes the urge is so potent so intense,
that you will sell anything
Tv’s, microwaves, a cooker
yourself.
You will become an expert on your body as,
you destroy it carefully.

Once in a while, the fog of your mind.
Clears.
And you see what youre doing to yourself.
This realisation makes you hate yourself,
so you start again, this never ending cycle
This thing that occupies your life.

The one thing you hate more than yourself but,
the only thing you cannot live without.