Freewrite

Like smoke..
the questions will clear and all that will be left is this pure stunning ache..
this longing where you loved me furiously,
where you poured every inch of yourself into myself and we became one self.
Fluid.
Like the tears streaming down my cold, calm and collected face.
The amber of your eyes trickle into my thoughts, unwanted,
A tap left turned on
Wasteful,
I had always wanted to love like this, hate like this ..
to hurt like this
The kitchen counter used to prepare booze far more often than to prepare an actual meal.
Cutting lines on the chopping board
Running blindly in search of oblivion ,
I keep falling at the same hurdle ...
My cheek now part of the cotton pillow ...
I take a moment, pausing before the next breath,
Imagining how easy it would be to just stop ...to eject myself...
But all that is left of me is you...And I couldn’t bear to lose you twice...
I want to preserve your smile in cling film because I can’t feel your teeth through a photo ,
Licks and nibbles... touches and caresses
Memories driving me to distraction
Untainted frustration ... and as the anger builds up in my eyes ...the ways these tears have built up in my heart , the way these words have built up on this paper ...
I’m afraid, I’m alone
I’m dried up
like the clichéd raisin in the sun
like an elderly woman’s womb
Like the remains of a war torn nation
Nothing left
But this pure stunning ache